Perhaps it's that feeling of dread and unease I get before I start a race.
Perhaps it's the stress I get while I take the SATs.
Or perhaps it's the overwhelming panic that comes crashing down on me when I believe something bad's about to happen.
It's such a negative word. Anxiety. Angs-i-et-ie. Worry. Unease. Overwhelmingdreadstresspanic. World spinning so quickly nothing's visible and I can't see straight. Voices so loud thoughts can't be heard. Knees shaking so badly it's like the earthquake's a 9 on the Richter Scale.
Some people say that a little bit of anxiety's good...99% of the time, I don't think so. I mean I can comprehend how it could be good - maybe it helps you succeed - but I personally think that as long as you've got the drive to succeed, you don't need anxiety. To me, anxiety's just a combination of bad, scary feelings. It makes me lose sleep. It gets me sweating and my heart pounding. It makes me so worried that I can hear nothing but screeching voices in my head...and I lose my concentration. Awesome, right?
My problem with anxiety is that taking tests makes me anxious. It doesn't matter whether it's a small quiz or a huge final - any assessment makes me anxious. This is so totally not awesome, because assessments are such a major part of, like, life. It really just determines who wins, and who...doesn't. And most of the time, the night before a major assessment, I have trouble sleeping. And then during the assessment, I have trouble thinking, because I just stare blankly at the page, thinking about what would happen if I failed the test. But then there's that feeling after the assessment - whether or not you think you did well. Relief that it's over. Gratitude that you survived. Relief.